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inkribbon_twdI was thinking of publishing this on public for this weekend because of Rick's new series but I haven't decided yet. It'll be on my private list as of the moment, but I might open it to the public view on Sunday.
To get into my private list to read the previous chapters, I still wait for your reviews :) Thank you.
When she walked back to the building from Lizzie’s grave, Amanda found Rick on the porch, his wide-spread arms holding the railings in front of him. His eyes followed her as she climbed up the steps, then he looked at her straight in the eye.
Somewhere inside he had found a dark suede jacket. He looked impassive if he was regarding her, waiting to see what she was going to do. She would go inside and leave him there alone or she would join him, giving him her silent consent to do what they needed to do. She wasn’t even sure if this was a silent invitation to talk or if he was just standing on guard. In the end, Amanda decided to take it as a silent invitation and joined him on the railings.
Rick continued to look at her and Amanda stared ahead in the dark woods, refusing to talk. If he wanted to talk now, she wasn’t going to be the one who started first.
He cleared his throat and in the end, spoke, but it was nothing about the…thing between them. Somehow, Amanda wasn’t surprised, either. “We should leave tomorrow morning as soon as Daryl comes back,” he said. “I don’t like staying here too long.”
Amanda nodded silently. It was a safe place with supplies but she didn’t like staying in a place that was tied to Grady too closely. She gave him another look, her eyes lowering towards his hip this time when his jeans were still stained with blood. She realized at that moment they hadn’t changed his bandage today, either.
She narrowed her eyes a bit. “Did you change your bandage?” she questioned.
Rick gave her a stoic nod. “Yeah. Carl did it,” he replied. “I found some antibiotics and painkillers, too.”
“Good,” she replied with a straight face, realizing he hadn’t wanted her help this time, either. She told herself it was logical to ask his son’s help instead of her, especially when they had even tried not to stay in the same place closed up together for hours. Still, it did hurt something in her chest.
But she only nodded again and asked, “Is he okay?”
Rick nodded. “Yeah. He’s mad at me, too, but he’s okay.” Amanda looked at him to see if he was going to add another thing for the reason why he was mad at him, too, but when Rick didn’t say anything, Amanda turned around to go inside.
He called her out to her this time when she was over the doorway. “Amanda—” She paused and looked at him over her shoulder. “Stay.”
“Why?” she asked in a small voice, swallowing.
“You know why,” he told her, his voice developing an edge, but also added, “Please.”
She gulped through a lump in her throat, but the hurt in her still made her leash out. “Have you made your mind now?” she asked, a bit bitter and a bit mocking.
Rick looked at her sterner, his face curt and haggard. She shook her head, letting out a little scoffing sound. “You know when Beth said you run on a timeline entirely your own, I thought she was exaggerating it. But she was actually downplaying it.”
His jaw clenched tighter, fixating on her with another stern look. “I thought you promised me you wouldn’t jump to conclusions about me.”
“I’m trying, Rick,” Amanda replied. “I am truly. But you’re not helping me.”
He sighed gravely this time, his chest rising and falling and then completely turned towards her to face her. “I’m still trying to play the hand I got dealt, Amanda.”
What he confessed wasn’t something new, they had both tried to play the hand they had dealt before, and this time they had gotten dealt with this, with a tank and a twelve-year-old girl who was mentally ill, but for a second, Amanda wouldn’t be sure if he was also her to what he got dealt.
She swallowed, something hurting in her with the comparison. “D-do you talk about me or Lizzie?”
His face grew serious, but his answer came without hesitation. “You know what I’m talking about, Amanda. I walked into a loaded gun for you,” he replied as if it was the simplest thing in the word. He sighed again, shaking his head again. “I’m trying my best,” he admitted, “But I feel like whatever I do, it doesn’t matter,” he went on. “The house still wins.”
“Do you really feel sorry for what happened?” she questioned in a small whisper.
“You know I do,” Rick answered, sincere, and continued with the infamous. “But feeling sorry doesn’t make me regret my decision. If any chance, I’d have chosen the same.”
She let out a shaking breath, jerking her head. “It’s still not right. We should’ve handled this better.”
“Yeah,” he replied, fixating on her with a look. “And perhaps we might have, Amanda, if you didn’t exclude me and run away with her to stay away from me.”
She glared at him. What he had said openly angered her so much that she couldn’t get worried about the fact Carl or Beth might hear them from inside. They were in the memorial room inside with Judy and Mika, but Rick was talking about the thing between them openly on the porch.
“Stop putting the blame on me,” she gritted out in a fierce whisper, getting closer to him to keep their conversation private. “I didn’t run away. I just took her out to a supply run.”
Rick snorted. “Yeah,” he whispered her back. “To give her a code.”
“You know what?” she sneered, still glaring. “Forget about this. This—” she waved her hand between them. “—was a mistake.”
Rick caught her at her elbow and leaned in towards her. “No. We’re not done yet. You can’t run away from me like this whenever you want.”
She stared at him wildly, her eyebrows raising. “Are you fucking real?” she hissed. “You’re the last person on the earth to chide anyone for not wanting to talk!”
“Yes, because you’re the epitome of having healthy communication skills, right, Amanda? It wasn’t me who locked up herself with a dead body downstairs today not to stay alone with me.”
Her eyes widened even more hearing what he had thrown at her, Amanda raised on her tiptoes. It didn’t even matter whether what he had said was true or not. “Fuck you, Rick,” she seethed out. “Fuck you.”
He breathed out sharply at her face, yanking her closer to himself as his fingers tightened around her arm. “Do you have any fucking idea how I felt after I saw you gone from the house when I woke up? I fucking lost my fucking mind!”
Frozen in another stupor, staring back at him wildly, Amanda couldn’t answer this time. It wasn’t the first time he had confessed he had gotten afraid when he woke up and didn’t see her in the house, but the intensity of his words on his expression had intensified so much that it took away her breath. His usually clear blue eyes had become dark oceans in the night once more, darkened to a shade of electrical blue with the intensity of raw emotions.
Amanda swallowed, still staring at him, astonished. He tipped his head inside and started to move her inside, still holding her arm. “Let’s go inside and talk.”
This time, swallowing tightly again, Amanda accepted it silently. She didn’t even know if she would stop him without causing a scene, either.
Rick pounced in the hallway silently like a predator, still holding her arm, and headed where Amanda had been hiding from him since they came to the funeral house for privacy. They climbed down the staircase in complete silence. There was a part of her that almost told him they should tell Beth or Carl to keep a watch for outside as they left the porch unattended, but she still didn’t dare to make a voice. And there was a part of her that also didn’t want the teenagers to know that they were heading downstairs to stay alone. It rattled her in a worse way, imaging Carl’s doubtful looks at them.
When they entered the empty preparation room now, Rick closed the door and even locked it from inside. She looked at him. The walls of the sterile room weren’t thick and they could not hear any shouts or voices from outside, but Rick still didn’t want anyone to walk onto them. Amanda breathed in stale air with formaldehyde, her head swirling. Rick still looked angry, barely keeping it at the bay, too, and locking the door onto them…was too speculative for her taste.
Don’t jump to conclusions, his voice echoed in the back of her mind as Rick walked over to her and stopped in front of her.
His eyes got fixated on her, giving her a stern but critical eye. “Did you leave the house this morning because of Lori?” he asked without mincing the words, still keeping eye contact. Amanda looked back at him but didn’t answer. Rick leaned in her closer an inch and asked this time without any filter.
“Are you jealous of her?”
She still didn’t speak, only looked at him.
“Amanda, are you jealous of my late wife?”
She jerked her head. “I’m not answering this question.” She tried to move but Rick caught her again and trapped her between his body and the metal slab when he took another predatory step into her.
“Why?”
She shook her shoulders with a sardonic fake smile. “Because I don’t want to.”
“I’m really tired of doing this, Amanda,” he told her like in the woods, but this time there was a true edge in his darkened tone. “So tired of it.”
She dropped her fake smile and looked back at him. “Let me go, Rick,” she replied, a warning edging her voice too. She was getting tired of it, too, of hearing him asking her questions without answering her questions.
“I can’t,” he replied, and he had said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “I can’t let you go,” he whispered, leaning in her so close that they shared the same breath. “How many times do I need to tell you that?”
I can’t lose you, too. Her mind turned around with his scent and captivating eyes, staring at her so intently that it mixed everything in her worse. She remembered how he had moaned his wife’s name in his sleep last night, the yearning she had heard in it, the missing. She hadn’t made it up. He was still missing his wife so much that only a fool couldn’t see it.
Her eyes almost flicked to his hand and she stopped herself from doing it by closing her eyes. She shook her head. “Th-this’s wrong,” she mumbled. “You were moaning your wife’s name last night in your sleep.”
She couldn’t believe herself she had uttered it almost at the edge of tears, here she was, doing it. The asshole had also made her admit it. You know what your problem is, Amanda, you can’t accept things, either.
“And you grew jealous.” She heard him speak with a finality in his voice.
She breathed out deeply and opened her eyes before confessing, “I-I didn’t like it.”
He nodded and his hand raised and touched her loose hair that swept over her shoulders. She waited for him to ask her if she had cut her hair for him again, but he asked for something else.
“Amanda, have you started to reconsider your choice about us? D-do you want us to have something—” his voice hitched before he completed it, “More?”
She looked at him. “Do you want us to?”
“I ask first.”
She shrugged. “And I’m asking now.”
He shook his head, snorting a little and giving her a look. “You’re kinda giving me mixed signals, too.”
“I kissed you on the watch tower, remember?” she pointed out.
“And you hid yourself at the moment Daryl walked onto us,” he countered, letting out a deep sigh. “Amanda, do you want things to become…real between us or not? Be open.”
She flicked her eyes down and murmured, “Wasn’t it real before?”
He tipped his head down to catch her eyes, leaning forward “Don’t. Don’t do this, please. Don’t answer my every question with another question. Just answer me honestly. Do you want things to become real between us?” He paused, holding her gaze. “Do you want a real relationship, Amanda?”
She swallowed but decided to heed his words and be honest. They owed it to each other, she supposed, and Rick had been honest and sincere with her from the very beginning.
“I-I don’t know,” she confessed, swallowing, not knowing how to answer another way. “I felt so weird last night when I heard you, really bad, it hurt me,” she confessed even that, “but perhaps it’s just a feeling,” she went on. “Perhaps I’m just having the hots for you and it carried away. Perhaps we shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.”
She was almost vomiting out her muddled thoughts in her confusion now, but Rick didn’t like hearing what she had sputtered out to him. Amanda could tell it from his expression that had turned rigid.
“You took out a mentally unstable twelve-year-old girl to a supply run because you got jealous of my dead wife, and I ended up walking in front of a loaded gun for you, but you think it ain’t a big deal?”
Amanda stopped, hearing him saying it like that. It sounded so bad, so wrong when he had put it in words like that, like it was a fleeting, unimportant thing. She shook her head but Rick had advanced on her again, his eyes darkened with another flare.
“Do you honestly think I would risk myself for a woman just because I’m what…horny?” he asked her. “Do you really think that?”
She jerked her head quickly. “N-no. No, I don’t.”
“Then why did you say that?”
“Because you make me feel like this even when I know it’s not true!” she cried out and her hands raised with her fire hit his chest. Rick staggered a foot away from her. “One moment you act like I’m special to you, the next moment you act like you just want to fuck me without bothering anything else!”
She walked over to her and raised her tiptoes to spit it out. “You tell me not to jump to conclusions, but you don’t give me any clarity, Rick. You don’t clarify anything!”
Rick looked at her back with widened. “Don’t I-don’t I clarify anything?!” he cried back. “I just asked you if you wanted a relationship, goddammit!”
“But you don't tell me if you want it!” she spat, tears forcing to break out. “You don’t talk about how you feel! You just question me about my feelings! I’m not saying I’m the expert on relationships, but even I know that’s not how couples communicate with each other!”
There was a part of her that still couldn’t believe she had said all of it aloud, cried at his face. Her tears started to leak and she quickly swept on her heels and held the metal slab’s edge tightly to hide them from him. It was enough bad to get like this in front of him when he didn’t make sure how he felt, she would die before she let him see her tears. That he had also made her cry.
She ducked her head, breathing slowly to recenter herself. If she trusted herself, she would have even left the room. She was also sensing Rick’s gaze on her back as Amanda stood there her back turned on him and heard his slow but certain footsteps as he closed the little distance between them.
Amanda tensed, drawing straight, but she didn’t turn around. He leaned in her like he had done on the watch tower yesterday and then linked his arms around her waist. Her back went more rigid, but she still didn’t walk out of his arms.
“You’re not the first woman who bit off my head because I don’t talk about my feelings,” he whispered to her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She twisted her neck and gave him a look. “You’re still not helping your case, Rick.”
“I know,” he replied in a murmur over her lips, raising his eyes toward her. He still looked so sincere as he looked at her that Amanda felt something in her melt again despite herself and her confusion. She turned in his arms and faced him. They were still looking at each other a breath away, both of them not breaking the silence.
Amanda swallowed, something in her whispering that she should step back, she still didn’t find enough willpower in her to do it. His gaze was still on her, captivating in her place, captivating her in a mesmerized stupor. His head tipped towards her even closer.
Her eyes closed. The little voice in the back of her mind was still whispering to her to stop him when his lips touched hers, they weren’t going to solve anything like this, his scent was swirling her head too much to think straight. Her lips opened up on their own accord and welcomed him. Her treacherous body betrayed her even more after tasting him, and Amanda couldn’t stop herself once more. Her arms rose and coiled around his neck, her fingers knitting in his dirty hair, pulling him towards herself more desperate.
Everything happened in a heartbeat after that. Rick quickly grabbed her in his arms as her legs wrapped over his waist. Rick was already carrying her away from the metal slab, towards the wooden workbench in the room. They parted away from each other an inch to share a look while he placed her on the top.
His hands had already started to undo her belt but he still asked, catching her eyes, “Do you want it?”
Amanda nodded, her hands jerking toward his belts and starting to undo them as well. “Yeah. Yeah, I want it,” she murmured over their lips in shallow rough whispers. “I want you.”
She felt it was the only thing they had ever managed to confess to each other but her defenses had crumbled at her feet. The need she felt inside her had silenced the voice of reason completely. The very fact that having sex wouldn’t resolve the thing between them. Yet, she still didn’t stop.
Perhaps she had been right as well. Perhaps things would be easier if they got it out of their system. Perhaps they would think better if they did it. There was just too much lust in their system to think reasonably. Rick hadn’t walked into a loaded gun because he was horny, but it still didn’t change the fact that they were still horny. Her dreams, her expectations, and her desires were so mixed into each other, being horny was just easier. Especially when Rick still couldn’t give her any clear answer.
She opened her lips and deepened the kiss. Rick caught the back of her neck with one hand as with the other he lowered her jeans down over her hips. Yes, this was just so much easier. So much better. Her pussy was throbbing so much with need now that it clouded every reason in her. She felt her heartbeat between her legs.
She battled with his belts more frantically to get what she wanted, trying to get him out of them harder. Those damn belts! They hadn’t gotten any easier!
“I fucking hate your belts!” she growled out to him as Rick let out a rough chuckle into her ear.
“I got it, I got it,” he growled to her back, turning her head more as he quickly pushed back to his feet from kneeling to take off her pants after unlacing her boots and started to free himself hastily. They were unclothing themselves in such a record time that Amanda stayed only in her basic shirt once more in mere seconds, Rick’s jeans lowered around his hips with his underwear. Amanda quickly wrapped her bare legs around his waist as Rick leaned them on the countertop further.
His buckles were undone, and the gunshot that Carl had re-bandaged after they arrived at the funeral home got exposed. “A-are you okay?” she asked, glancing down. “C-can you do it?”
She gasped as Rick inserted his two digits inside her wet but slick channel at the same time, prepping her for what he wanted to do to her. She moaned louder and caught his shoulder for support as he moved his fingers inside her.
“Gotta be more than a gunshot to stop me from fucking you,” Rick rasped out roughly into her ear. “You already should’ve learned it by now.” Amanda momentarily remembered how she had shot him accidentally. Her grip on him tightened as the moment played in her mind, remembering how she felt when she had thought she had hurt him.
Rick inclined his head, caught her lips, and kissed her with the thirst of a desperate man. Everything in her got even more muddled and confused when he made her feel so much wanted and needed. Her nails dug into him, clawing at him and pulling him closer to herself with the same need she felt emitting from him. It felt like their heart beat together between her legs as she ground over his erection. He was so hard that Amanda felt more in heat. His lust for her was only making her want him more, making her pussy throb more desperately.
They had denied this from each other for so long that the need to feel that stone-hard cock inside her was driving her insane. She remembered for a split second what Maggie had told her, how she had just wanted to fuck Glenn…then her dream…how she had said Rick to take off his ring…
She pushed the thought away from herself, craning her neck to find his ear, her tongue licking over his neck and earlobe. She just wanted him. She wanted him so fucking much it was driving her crazy.
“C-co—” she gasped, trying to make the word as his fingers worked on her. Her hands were still gripping his upper arms tightly. “C-condoms? Do you have one?”
“N-no.” He paused for a split second, his darkened blue eyes finding hers as he looked up at her from her neck. “Do you want to stop?”
The question vibrated in her, making her pause for a second, as well. Did she want to stop? She stared at him back, frozen in time, holding her breath then in the next breath, she made her decision. She didn’t want to. Perhaps –and more probably—they were making another mistake, making everything worse between each other but she still didn’t want to stop.
She grabbed his head and yanked him closer to herself to catch his lips once more. “If you don’t pull out in time, I’m gonna kill you!”
Rick smiled with that smug smile over her lips and kissed her back without a response.
What happened next happened less than in five minutes. They were so hungry for each other that it was even a battle to hold that long. He positioned himself and entered into her with a full thrust and shielded himself into her folds completely. Amanda groaned louder, even when her wet and throbbing pussy in need stretched for him and welcomed him.
It was a weird feeling at first, something she had never experienced before, feeling a bare cock inside her. It was warmer than a cock enveloped in rubber, making her feel it more…alive. For a split second, she couldn’t even be sure she liked the feeling in her pulsing wet channel this much because she had been yearning for this feeling so crazily in the last weeks that it made her feel it vividly. At the moment, Amanda didn’t care, either, but pulled him on her further instead as her legs and arms tightened around him firmer, enjoying the feeling. The slight discomfort of him stretching her tightness was still there, but it didn’t faze her even for a second.
She urged him silently, digging the back of her heels under his ass, tightening her ankles around him, already grinding him for what she wanted. “Do it, do it, fuck me,” she also moaned it to his ear before Rick started to move, completely losing it.
Rick caught her eyes before he caught her lips heeded her encouragement and began thrusting his hips. The satisfaction of the movement ran over her needy body like wildfire as Amanda threw her head back and moaned loader.
God! She had been so much dreaming of this in the last days that all her questions and confusions were silenced in her. It was so good at the moment to feel him again, nothing else remained. It was everything she had been wanting lately. Feel like this again. Just like on the rooftop, but even better. At the moment, she didn’t even know why she had denied it from them before, why she hadn’t let Rick fuck her again. Why she had declined his offer. They could have had this for weeks. They would have fucked each other like this countless times in the prison before if only Amanda had let him.
It felt so good that Amanda really felt stupid for denying this from themselves.
She tightened her arms and legs, clawing at his back. “It’s so good, Rick…” she moaned deeply. “So good….”
“Yeah…” Rick responded with a deep rasp into her ear. “Gon’ make ya feel so good…”
“Yeah, yeah,” she moaned out and yelped like a kitten when his hips developed a rhythm as needy as hers, driving her more desperate for him. “Rick…” she groaned, pulling him closer but the space on the countertop wasn’t enough. She tried to lean further on her back so she would raise her legs higher to get him deeper into her folds, but suddenly Rick grabbed her, gathered her in his arms once more, and lifted her from the bench.
He had never broken their contact, but still kept hitting on her as he dropped to his knees and lay her on the cold hard floor on her naked back. Amanda gasped with chill and with the feel of his weight as he pinned her down on the ground with his body. Her legs got wrapped around him as quickly as before, lifting them higher just as she had wanted. Satisfied, Rick grabbed her hips and began thrusting into her faster.
Clawing at his shoulder blades more in desperation, Amanda tried to keep up with his wild rhythm, grinding herself to catch the fraction she needed as they moved together in harmony. Rick had turned to his salvage mode that Amanda had seen peek out on the rooftop as he grunted with wordless low growls from the back of his throat on her neck with his every move, mixed with her low gasps and moans. He had even lost that kindness he had on the rooftop at the start but was like the man in the end who was savagely chasing his relief out of her body.
Amanda still couldn’t care. It was so good to be under him again that she didn’t care. In the back of her mind, a low whisper reminded her she was letting him fuck her as if she was a stress relief for him while his children and Beth were upstairs, but she couldn’t get herself care at the moment, either. Not when her climax neared on her horizon and her whole body was waiting for it like a woman lost in a lustful frenzy. At the moment, if she had to be honest with herself, Amanda just wanted him to fuck her harder. She couldn’t speak, though, her throat wasn't letting her make a word more than desperate low groans and yelps. Rick’s heated eyes found her. His gaze on her was so intent and so hot that Amanda threw her head back and closed her eyes tightly to escape from him. She couldn’t look at him when he was like this. He reminded her once more of wild things in the wilderness, but the intensity was so damn much with everything else she was feeling.
Her pussy throbbed more as her crotch started to flutter with her hips. Amanda felt her climax building more and more in her as her body slung back and forth on the ground with the force of his thrusts. Her nails dug into his skin further as her wrapped legs tightened and started to shake with the rest of her core.
She was gone, she knew it. She was going to come hard after the tension that had built in her for weeks. She tried to keep herself silent, praying they wouldn’t hear the loud, broken moans she was making now. As if Rick felt the same, he caught her chin and forced her face to turn towards her and caught her lips to silence her as his lips started to drive in her wilder, his hips jerking. He was out of his rhythm as well, nearing his climax. They were groaning, and grunting and kissing at the same time as they came nearer to their ends, Rick’s moves getting more savage, his hand clutching the back of her head tightly.
“Yeah, yeah,” she groaned, tightening her fluttering legs. They were shaking like a leaf in the wind. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time—no, she had never felt like this before. She felt like she had become a furnace, burning herself inside out.
“Rick—” she groaned over her lips, pressing them onto his to silence herself further as the waves of pleasure started to wreck her body. But she couldn’t keep herself upright long when her whole body shattered with the pleasure and she started to fall on her back, her loud moans freeing from her lips. Rick quickly dived in as her shaking body hit the ground and silenced her once more, catching her lips into a bruising kiss.
She came as Rick kissed and fucked her roughly, like a wild thing as Amanda just lay under him, still wrapped around him tightly, her eyes shut closed. They were leaving their marks on each other as they climaxed, her nails stretching his back as she clawed at him, falling from the edge, Rick’s hands grabbing her so tightly to keep her desperate body in place so that he could continue to thrust into her while she was coming.
Amanda lost her power over her body, her back arching as she still stayed wrapped over him, shaking and shattering as her world shook from its core. It was so wild and powerful that she felt she had lost consciousness for a second, her vision got blinded even under her tightly closed eyelids. She dropped to her back the next second and kept coming on the floor. She had never come this hard and long before and Rick was still continuing to fuck her as she came.
Her body shook with tremors as he forced her still trembling legs off his waist and pressed his palms on her inners to spread her legs wider for him. At that moment Amanda barely registered what was happening when he started to pick his pace even more. He wasn’t done with her. Not yet. Amanda was done, he had fucked her socks off, but Rick hadn’t.
As she lay under him spent, she forced her eyes to flutter open and looked at him through her heavy eyelashes for a second. His face was strained now as his hips hit her frantically, his hands clenching and pressing her open legs on the floor with more force to spread her pussy more to him.
He had straightened on his knees to thrust into her harder and faster. But he still wasn't satisfied with his pace, and he grabbed the back of her knees up once more to sling her legs over his inner elbows and spread her wider.
His hips were hitting her fiercer now, trying to dig his release from her body with his everything. Her eyes closed tightly again as her body tried to tune in with him, yielding to him once more. Amanda couldn’t see him but she knew he was chasing his release now savagely, taking what he wanted from her like a wild thing.
And he wanted this. Her body.
Amanda had never felt it this starkly before, had never felt this strongly someone just wanting her for her body. Amanda didn’t have any power in her to deny it from him. So she lay there, her eyes closed, her body still shaking with tremors, and let him take what he needed from her. It wasn’t the first time she had let a man take what he needed from her body like this, but something still felt different, confusing her more.
His lust was like a living, breathing thing in the chilly air, wrapping around them thickly. His hips jerked even more frantic and erratic. He fell on her again and pinned her down on the hard floor with his weight, breathing over her neck with rasping deep breaths. Amanda twisted her neck to move from him to free herself from his heated breath. It was too much, just fucking too much. Something clogged in her throat, making it harder to breathe as Rick kept jerking his hips, hitting her wilder and harder, faster, sliding her back and forth on the hard floor with the force of his animalistic thrusts, his fingertips digging into her inner thighs, leaving their fingerprints as he held her tightly to keep her in the position so he could fuck her to his heart’s content.
Amanda still let him. She lay still, something in her becoming even more detached, just waiting until Rick got satisfied with her body. What hadn’t disturbed her on the rooftop had come over to her at full force as he stomped over her like a savage beast that was grunting hotly over her neck, but Amanda still didn’t stop him. After a few quick, wild thrusts, her body moved faster, and Rick became even more frantic.
He spread her legs wider, still slinging them over his elbows, fucking her at his hardest. She wasn’t sure if anyone had ever fucked her this hard before, without mercy at the hardest rhythm. Her hands raised and she grabbed the workbench’s leg for purchase blindly. It didn’t hurt, not really, not physically, but she still felt something was broken in her. She still didn’t stop him, though. She still wanted him to take it. Quench his thirst.
And Rick did. He pumped into her with the hardest thrusts, his animalistic growls turning so rough and raw beside her head. When his thrusts grew so desperate and out of rhythm, Amanda understood he was about to come. For a frenzied split second, she thought he was going to come inside her. Her heart started to drum in her chest more frantically with fear but he managed to restrain himself at the last moment and pulled out. He grabbed his cock and started to jet himself on her navel, still rubbing his shaft, staring at her with those darkened heated eyes.
Amanda shut hers tight quickly again not to see it, not to see him jerking himself off onto her with that intensity. She couldn’t watch him as he used her body like this. Not even once in her life, even when she fucked people she barely knew, Amanda had felt this…used before. Tears filled her eyes under her closed eyelids, but she didn’t let them fall.
She heard Rick’s rough groans as he spilled himself on her stomach, feeling the warm sticky wetness over her skin as she lay shivering on the cold floor, her eyes still tightly shut. Rick groaned another time and she felt him dropping to the ground, done. He had emptied himself onto her until the last drop. His warmness was radiating off him as he lay beside her, still breathing laboriously, his heavy, raw breaths off-rhythm. It reminded her of the rooftop again, how he had laid there next to her, trying to catch his breath without touching her.
Amanda pried her eyes open for a fraction and peered at him between her lashes. He had thrown his right hand over his forehead, his chin tilted up as he breathed low and rough, his eyes tightly shut closed, too. Nothing had changed since the rooftop, Amanda realized then. Nothing had changed between them since the time they had wanted to fuck because they had thought they would never see each other again. Rick was still lying next to her after they had a wild quicky in secret, his eyes closed, trying to catch his breath in his own world, refusing to acknowledge her existence.
Her eyes raised and Amanda also caught the sight of his ring on his finger. It felt like someone punched her in her stomach this time. She quickly turned on her side with the little energy that was left in her and pulled herself into a tight ball.
She didn’t want to see him anymore. She didn’t want to do anything with him. If she trusted her legs, she would get up and leave the room, but she felt spent. She wished he had gone, left her alone. Her tears fell silently. She didn’t want this. She didn’t know what she wanted, but she understood she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to be his stress relief.
Gathering her strength, she was about to get up, put on back her clothes, and leave the room, but just before Amanda started to stir, Rick started to move, too. She stopped and waited, holding her breath. She didn’t know why she did it, but she still did. She knew he was going to get up and get prepared like Amanda had thought, Beth and Carl were still upstairs and they would wonder about them if they didn’t show up soon, but Amanda still waited.
His left leg was still halfway between hers as he had dropped himself to the ground beside her, and instead of pulling it away, Rick turned on his side like Amanda had done and slid herself closer. Amanda held her breath again, her heart beating so madly now. She was still facing the wall ahead, her back on him, but she felt his warmness getting closer, closing the little distance between them. His arms wrapped around her waist the next second and he placed his chin on the crook of her shoulder.
He brushed his lips over her neck for a chaste kiss as his hands suddenly grabbed hers on the ground and linked their fingers together. Amanda hitched in a breath, something inside her making her silent tears hasten. She felt so glad Rick couldn’t see her right now. There was so much affection in his chaste kiss and his fingertips that played over hers. Amanda still felt the cold touch of metal on his finger, but it didn’t feel that important at the moment. While they had sex, she had been too gone in her lust to care, but as Rick held her hand like this, as he kept her in his arms like this after they had sex, it felt different.
Amanda wondered if she was being stupid, if she acted like a moron, but she couldn’t help herself. It felt like she was more to him than a body to satisfy his thirst.
His other hand left hers for a second and raised to touch her hair and swept her moist curls over her shoulders where he was still kissing her. “Ya okay?”
She nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak aloud. “I didn’t hurt ya, did I?” he asked, and there was a fear inside his low, rough voice now, a concern. He had noticed how he had gone wild at the last.
Amanda quickly jerked her head again to assure him. “No,” she croaked out. “I-I’m good.”
He let out a low, gruff sound on her neck. “I was never like this before,” he whispered to her. He was still kissing her skin with those chaste, little kisses, his hands playing with her. He sounded so affectionate now Amanda couldn’t believe he had been the man who had fucked her mercilessly a few minutes ago.
“Like what?” she croaked out again through her tight throat. She had stopped crying. She was curious now because there was a part of her that felt they started to make…pillow talk. Rick started to talk to her.
“I can perfectly control my urges before,” he replied, and Amanda felt his small smile on her skin this time. “You make me lose my control.” He paused. Amanda knew he had grown serious suddenly because she felt his small smile freeze on her skin. “Carol had tried to warn me, you know,” he continued. “She understood even then you’re very dangerous to me.”
Amanda hitched in another breath. There was a part of her that had already known that he was afraid as much as her and after hearing this she decided to ask it honestly. He had asked for honesty from her before, to answer if Amanda had grown jealous, so it was his turn. She slipped her hands off his and quickly wiped the remnants of her tears away before turning to face him.
She looked at him, trying to understand as he gazed back at her. They weren’t touching anymore, just staring at each other an inch away from each other. “Are you afraid?”
His hand raised and touched her cheek and he slowly stroked her. “Yeah, yeah, I’m afraid,” he confessed in a whisper. “You?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m too,” she accepted and swallowed low in her throat. “I-I’ve been with a man without a condom before. I never thought I would’ve done that.” She had never thought she would have gone that much not to care about it, but she had left that part unsaid. She could barely accept it to herself.
Rick smiled again with that small smile and Amanda thought it was one of the most beautiful things in the world when it was directed to her like this. He had seen that smile many times before in the prison in the last month, but never like this before. His hand played with the loose ends of her hair and he was so affectionate that Amanda wanted to snug to his chest, wanted him to take her in his arms again. She couldn’t do it, of course, but she wanted it as strongly as she wanted him to fuck her a couple of minutes ago.
“It’d been a while for me too,” he replied, his small smile in his voice, and he did what she had secretly craved. He reached out, closed the little distance between them, and took her in his embrace. “That’s probably why I lost myself at the end,” he continued as Amanda snugged at him closer. “I’ve missed that sensation.”
She remembered how she had wanted to keep him inside her as she came, didn’t want to release her clenched legs to keep him inside her longer, and how he had almost come inside her. Being with someone without protection, feeling it like this was something she had never felt before but Amanda had taken it as the novelty of her inexperience, trying something new. Rick was saying now he had felt the same and Amanda didn’t know what that meant.
But she wasn’t sure if she was ready to pursue that line of thought further. She felt it was leading them to more confusing places and she didn’t want to get confused any further. She felt they were clearing something between them, clarifying something even though she wasn’t sure what it was. But they were here now, lying in each other’s arms after having sex, and Rick was openly admitting his affections. It was better than their last time, she supposed. Maybe they needed baby steps.
“It must be like…eight months for you, Rick,” she replied and tried to joke out of their tense moment. “You can’t be that desperate.”
“Well, I told you you’re very dangerous for me, didn’t I?” he asked back, his voice still having that smiling timber, understanding she was trying to break their tense moment but he also added, “And it was more than that.”
Surprised to hear the last part, Amanda tilted her head and looked at him. He was staring down at her with intent eyes once more. “A lot more than that, Amanda.” She breathed in lowly, a part of her already understanding what he tried to tell her now, but the other part didn’t make sense of her words.
The thing was that most of the time Rick still didn’t make sense. He was acting like his wife was the love of his life, and Amanda knew his grief, how sincere it was, and she also knew he loved her genuinely, but sometimes there were little pauses and secret glances between them whenever the topic came to the dead woman, and there was also Carl’s anger. Amanda had tried not to pry too much, but she had noticed something was off.
The thing was no one talked about her much, especially in Rick’s presence. Lori Grimes was off-topic subject in the prison, Amanda had already gathered it.
Rick wetted his broken bottom lip and heaved out deeply. “Lori and I—” he confessed in a low voice, “We weren’t on the best terms when she died.”
Amanda nodded slowly and silently because she didn’t know what to say. There was a part of her that wanted him to ask why he was still wearing his ring, asked if he still loved the woman, and asked what his feelings toward her were, but she still couldn’t open her mouth. It was a can of worms so big and so deep she wasn’t sure if she was ready to open it. If she would ever be ready to open it. She had yelled at him he never talked about his feelings, always pressed her about hers, but Amanda realized she couldn’t do this, either. She just couldn’t. She felt like a damn coward, but she had never been a brave woman.
Perhaps Rick wanted to talk to her now, but it wasn’t a good time. She remembered herself Carl and Beth above waiting for them. It wasn’t a good time. She told herself she wasn’t trying to find herself a path out because she had chickened out once more. She was being responsible. What they had done was already irresponsible. If Maggie and Glenn had sneaked away to have sex while the kids were there upstairs, Amanda would have gotten mad at them.
Rick and she hadn’t sneaked away to have sex, it kind of just happened, but well, it was still irresponsible. She cleared her throat and looked at him, trying to find the willpower in her to leave his warm embrace. It was so good being in his arms again, especially like this. It made her feel so warm inside.
“W-we should go,” she said though, forcing herself to be responsible, “The kids are upstairs.”
Rick jerked his head a little and didn’t let her go when she tried to stir off his arms. He tightened his arms around her. “I locked the door, we’re okay,” he whispered to her ear and dipped his head in the crook of her neck. “We still have time.”
Amanda hitched in another breath silently, recalling how he had told her they still had time on the rooftop. Closing her eyes, she stopped and her arms raised, she hugged him back. She believed him. Just as Rick had confronted her, she believed in him. They had still time. He had been right the first time. Amanda had come back the next day after he told her. She wanted him to be right again. She didn’t want the thing between them to end like this. She wanted them to be…more.
Her realization made her almost cry once more as she stayed in his arms. “Rick…” she whispered but tilting his head, Rick silenced her, catching her lips. They kissed so softly for another minute, long and affectionate. Their desire for each other was still simmering beneath but it was still so soft and full of promises for the future that Amanda felt Rick was making her a promise with his kiss.
They parted away an inch when they were out of breath and looked at each other after pressing their foreheads. “I’ll put everything back together, Amanda,” he promised her aloud, too. “I swear. I’ll find us another home again.”
She nodded, knowing it was true. “Then we’ll sit down and talk. Okay?” There was a demand and yearning in his eyes now at the same time, his eyes growing so intense and demanding once more.
Amanda nodded again, swallowing. “Okay.”
He smiled a little and touched her cheek, still not pulling away from her forehead. “Promise me you won’t die on me until then, are we clear?”
She laughed silently and nodded once more. “I’ll try my best.”
Rick shook his head and pulled her closer. “Not good enough, Amanda.” There was a real fire in his eyes now, electricity burning them with his intensity. He looked deadly serious. Amanda remembered Lizzie and then knew it wasn’t empty to break their tense moments.
“I’ll stay alive,” she acknowledged his demand, promising him, but added, “But I still think we should’ve handled this better, Rick.”
Rick sighed, but also accepted, his chest heaving deeply as he pulled back an inch from her, but he still didn’t pull away completely, didn’t break their contact. They were still talking. “Yeah, yeah, but this is what happened, Amanda.” He paused and looked at her, looking in pain. “I’m sorry if I disappointed you.”
She quickly shook her head in objection. He looked so in pain and so sincere, she couldn’t let him think like that. “You didn’t,” she said and paused, and corrected, “I was angry at you. I’m still angry, but I understand you. I understand your worries, your concerns.” She paused again, sighing heavily as well. “I just can’t…accept.”
“I know,” he replied. “I don’t expect you or want you to. I told you this’s on me, not on you.”
Well, she still couldn’t accept that, either. “No. I don’t accept that, either. It doesn’t work like that.” What had happened with Lizzie had happened because they happened. Amanda didn’t know if the outcome would have changed, it was just impossible to know. Perhaps it would have gone worse like Rick had feared, perhaps Amanda had been forced to do what Rick had done, but it was all speculation now.
“I know,” Rick replied again and gave her another look. “Can we just agree…to disagree then?” he asked, sounding even hopeful this time.
Amanda gulped and accepted his offered olive branch. Frankly, she didn’t know what else she would do, either, while she was still lying in his arms naked. “I-I can do that.”
Rick nodded his acceptance as well, then asked her, tilting his eyes towards her. “Your code—” Amanda looked at him, confused. “You said you gave her a code,” he clarified, holding her confused look, taking her hand into his once more. “What did you tell her?”
Her cheeks blushed redder even after what had happened between them. “Um, I told her we kill the undead and don’t hurt the living unless they try to hurt us or the others.”
“It’s a good code,” Rick acknowledged.
She shrugged, a lump low in her throat. “Wanted to keep it simple and reassuring for her. S-she was confused.”
Rick nodded again and pulled her closer in his arms. Amanda came willingly, receiving the comfort he was giving her silently. Perhaps it was wrong, thinking about how they had come to this, but Amanda couldn’t stop it, either. Perhaps they would never agree about Lizzie, but Amanda still welcomed his comfort. It had been so long since someone tried to comfort her and Amanda let it. There was still a little voice that whispered to her she shouldn’t lower her guard, that he still wore his ring but Amanda was tired. So tired and Rick was sincere and earnest as he slowly stroked her hair Amanda couldn’t stop herself.
She snugged at him closer. Rick tightened his arms around her, understanding her wordless need. He dipped his head and kissed her hair. Amanda almost burst into tears in his arms, holding him. “I-I hope she went to a better place, Rick…” she mumbled.
“So do I,” Rick mumbled over her hair, giving her another kiss.
They stayed like that for a while in silence and then Amanda slowly started to stir again. “We get to go,” she said and Rick didn’t stop her this time.
She pulled herself free from his arms, averting her eyes from him as she climbed to her feet. Rick was watching her now again with heated eyes, eyeing her naked form in a way that made her feel very self-conscious of herself. Amanda had never liked staying naked in front of people after sex, but with Rick and with his heavy, intent eyes, it was even worse. She almost told him to stop doing it because it made her so nervous but the next second, she decided to turn her back on him to get prepared instead.
She quickly put her panties and pants back, gazing down at her stomach. She swallowed down a sigh but was surprised when Rick offered her his red cloth after buckling up himself. He had only unbuckled his belts so his job finished quickly and once more he was watching her. Amanda blushed worse, taking the cloth from him as Rick bent down to pick up her basic white shirt Rick had thrown away after taking it off her. Thinking about it, it came to her almost funny how quickly Amanda had lost her clothes whereas Rick stayed in them. Almost.
She wiped the sticky remnants from her skin, making a point not to look at him. When she was done, fully clothed once more, she could finally face him again as Rick still watched her. She lifted her face and held his gaze. They stared at each other for a few seconds, both not talking once more. The silence grew heavier between them, Amanda felt the tension radiating off them as they stared at each other until Rick decided to break it.
He walked towards her with a decisive pace, his eyes getting even more intense and suddenly took her head between his palms and started to kiss her. And he was kissing her so passionately and affectionately at the same time, Amanda felt astonished by his intensity, felt frozen in her place. She couldn’t even move her arms and kiss him back, just stayed there as he kissed her like no one had ever done before.
She was shaking with tremors when he stopped and pulled an inch from her, but his hands still kept holding her face. “This thing between us,” he whispered to her. “It’s real. We are real, Amanda.”
She closed her eyes, something eased in her after hearing him confess it, assuring her even when she felt the same.
“We’re gonna figure it out,” he continued with a certainty that soothed her further, releasing her face and Amanda felt he was going to clarify what he wanted from her for real this time. “I want—” he started but a shrieking scream from upstairs silenced the rest of his words.
“RICKKKK!” his name shouted in the distance, the familiar feminine tones so familiar as the young male also joined it. “DAAAAD! DAD, WHERE ARE YOU???”
Carl shouted as Rick lunged at the door and unlocked it. They sprinted over the staircase, drawing out their knives. “DAD! WALKERS!” Carl called out again as Amanda swore inside.
She should have seen this coming. She so should have seen this coming.
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Date: 2024-02-27 02:27 am (UTC)Finalmente eles começaram a ter essa conversa sobre o relacionamento deles, expôr um pouco o que eles realmente querem, mas sinto que o sexo vai complicar um pouco. Eles dão um passo e retroage dois
E essa maldita aliança hehehe
Gostei que você adiantou o sexo para esse momento específico, cabia perfeitamente nessa situação, o sexo com desespero e angustiante.
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Date: 2024-02-27 01:15 pm (UTC)The end of this chapter really struggled me a lot, which was why I decided to take my break as well last month. At first, I finished it as Amanda feeling like being used without Rick rolling on his side and embracing and they were leaving downstairs then without talking after the attack, but it felt off. I didn't feel at-ease with it, especially with Rick. So I changed it twice until I felt satisfied with the end, playing with the timelines. I'm satisfied with the end result now, and I'm glad to hear it worked for you as well :)
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Date: 2024-03-29 02:48 am (UTC)I do have to say I was STRESSED!!! I kept thinking “the kids! The kids are gonna know! CARL is gonna know!!” And I was also stressing about the fact that no one was keeping watch HAHA Another amazing chapter!
On a side note, I read your last post. Nice going changing the part where Rick told Amanda about Shane and Lori, I agree that it’s a conversation best saved for later, as it would affect the way Amanda views Ricks relationship with Lori too much and probably disturb some dynamics!!
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Date: 2024-03-29 06:00 am (UTC)And, the sex, hehe, too much neglected sexual neglect, too much sexual frustration with Amanda, the stress of losing their home, the fact that they are lost outside and separated from each other... How Rick wouldn't turn to his beast mode during the sex, lol. Poor guy. He really needed it to calm himself down. I'll admit it was very, very hard to set the tone of the sex scene, I really struggled with it. I wanted them to have wild sex again and Amanda feeling very used towards the end, poor girl, like his stress relief and Rick lost in his world, totally missing it. (Rick truly missed it) It was only when he was calmed down and satisfied, he got the hint that Amanda was distant from him. I also wanted to show how Amanda used to have a sex life before most of the time before Michael, how she dissociated herself from the act after she was done, and how much she couldn't do it without Rick, how she felt bad, feeling used. I thought it was also important to show her anxiety about this because she harbors this feeling inside that she is Rick's band-aid. :( It won't go away easily.
eheh, Carl, Carl, nope, he's catching up, but he didn't catch them this time ;)
Oh, thank you! Like I mentioned before, while I read your comment for earlier chapter this week and reading the chapter itself, I realized how much Amanda knowing the affair doesn't fit in the narrative. I even totally forgot about that part while writing these chapters!!! I mean, I did it, then during my writing break, it totally missed from me. Usually, I'm good with keeping the continuity but my brain, I think, doesn't feel at peace with my spur of the moment addition, lol, and forgot about it. Amanda shouldn't know about the affair right now, it would make things less confusing with Rick (although she would still think Rick still loves his wife, because Rick did. Rick still loved Lori despite the affair, we all saw it) as she would understand Rick's situation with the affair, would even suspect maybe Judith isn't his after learning the truth. That surely doesn't go well with my plans for the next book. :))) So Amanda is in the dark once more :)
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Date: 2024-04-04 10:28 am (UTC)You can actrually really understand Amanda because before I really didn’t understand her emotionally in where she was with her feeling with Rick, but now you see the development and it’s beautiful.
I think I suck at this website because it didn’t let me reply to your chapters which was annoying because I just really wanted to thank you for these books🫶🏽😩 they are brilliant
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Date: 2024-04-04 04:01 pm (UTC)I feel sorry for Amanda in these chapters because Rick doesn't make it falling in love with him easy, lol :)))
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Date: 2024-04-28 06:53 am (UTC)The way she just laid there confused:(
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Date: 2024-04-28 01:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-29 09:55 pm (UTC)Now falling in love with Rick during this time is wild but I applaud Amanda for sticking through that lol cause that man was not well, he was a wreck actually.
And now that I think about it, how the hell did no one ever figure out that that man wasn’t ok lmaoooo. He walked in to Alexandria shaved his face and then lost it. Hahaha Rick behaving like that in Alexandria always makes me laugh.
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Date: 2024-04-30 06:02 pm (UTC)Haha, I think they all recognized it in Alexandria, but they were all on edge after losing the prison and surviving the outside world again. "We tell ourselves we're the walking dead" That speech is coming here is soo telling, really. It wasn't only Rick. They all were fucked up when they arrived in Alexandria. Poor darlings.
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Date: 2024-05-01 01:30 am (UTC)You are absolutely Rick about that. I was about to write that the only person who flourished in Alexandria was Daryl but then I realized I couldn’t count him because he did everything in his power to not be in those gates unless he had to lol.
I loved that speech, I feel like Daryl shouldn’t have said that “we ain’t them” right in that moment. I cause I feel like they were all feeling the way Rick was. I think that comment from Daryl should’ve came later in the season or later in the seasons the more Rick and everyone else started to lose themselves. Daryl saying it right after Rick said that speech took something away from it. Rick had that dead look in his eyes, like it was a dead look but also a hunger to do whatever it took to not lose anything else and after the prison and Hershel, Beth, and Tyrese I feel like that was a desperation all of the, felt.
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Date: 2024-05-02 07:59 pm (UTC)I wish Daryl hadn't said "we ain't them", either. It just ruined the moment, like you said. I think I made Amanda getting angry at Rick, having Daryl's position, after he told that, refusing to be like "dead" because then she couldn't sleep in his arms, pretending to be in love, but I think they had that talk/fight after the scene. It was their last real fight before they went to Alexandria, all fucked up and on edge, lol. I wished the show did something like this between Rick and Daryl, as well. Not in that moment. That speech was truly earning the show's name! Daryl shouldn't have ruined it, lol!
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Date: 2024-05-04 11:58 am (UTC)Yes that speech was amazing, especially for the time he said it. I normally feel like it’s cheesy when a show mentions the title in it. But the way it was done in TWD was great. I think what makes it so iconic was that he was talking about their group, and not the dead people. I think it perfectly showed them descending into that madness and that desperation.
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Date: 2024-05-04 08:57 pm (UTC)That speech WAS amazing, yes!! I really liked SO much that the show's title actually refers to the living one, not the dead, and it comes out in that moment in the barn, Rick telling them. It's the heart of the TWD, and it's why the last show's name being The One Who Lives suits SOO Good. I can't tell you how I screamed out at home when I heard the show's name because I had already planned that talk between Amanda and Beth, Amanda telling Beth 'they're the living ones' making a call out to Amanda being 'the girl who lived' (yes, it was also a HP reference, hehe. Once there as a girl, and she lived) and the end of my series will end like this, they are telling each other they are the living. They made it. It was also the reason why I made Amanda refused this fiercely, not accepting "They're the walking dead'. Amanda could not never accept that.
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Date: 2024-05-08 01:56 pm (UTC)I love the title for the simple reason that they haven’t lived yet. Since the outbreak started it’s been one fight after another. Mostly with the living. Right when they decided to have a baby they felt safe enough to start living, then the bridge. Then Michonne had almost 6 years of peace but wasn’t truly living cause her other half was “dead” . Then Rick is being kept at a place he can’t escape from so he stopped “living” too. Now they’re bringing each other back to life to go home with their kids where it’s peaceful and they can truly start to live.
It’s crazy how the titles of both shows have so many different meanings.
Amanda not accepting it is so her.
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Date: 2024-05-10 10:42 am (UTC)Yeah. The Ones Who Lived was the perfect title for Rick's new show! Nothing would have worked better after The Walking Dead. It was superb. I was sooo happy when I heard it, really, thinking of the same, coming up with the same thing even before the title came out because it also made me feel like I got the gist of TWD :))
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Date: 2024-05-19 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2024-11-28 10:40 pm (UTC)I got so drawn into the scene but then she dissociated and my face just dropped. But Ricky boy didn't disappoint. Also, the post-nut clarity is magnificent. Maybe this is how they should have their "talks", after sex. Maybe then they'll be able to think clearly and talk sense. 😄😄😄
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Date: 2024-11-29 05:35 am (UTC)Amanda's one of biggest fears to deny Rick's desire for them to be casual to become his stress relief, feeling like he was lusting after her, so when they had sex second time, she started to think about it, feeling a strong case of detachment, feeling like she was being used for sex :( The fear was so deeply ingrained in her that it all happened naturally, I really didn't plan it, but it was alike the narrative went there all on her own :) Thank god, Rick did not fuck it up this time and cuddle her afterward like he should have. He was already seeing them as a couple in his dreams, making love etc, so Rick also did it naturally, you know, he rolled on and took her in his arms :)) Then they at least became ready to 'talk' :)) Pillow talk can make wonders, hehe.
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Date: 2024-11-29 08:38 am (UTC)Still managed to have sinfully steamy sex though 😏
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Date: 2024-11-29 08:52 am (UTC)Amanda has all the right asking for clarity from him but I also wanted to make sure why Rick was asking time from her without portraying him as a fuckboy. That's not Rick. He acts like this because there is really a lot on his plate, lol, even though he can admit his own feelings, there is still so many things he needs to think about. They will talk about this more soon, Rick will even tell her about it openly. "I'm a widow with two children. I can't act like I'm a single man. Their happiness is above mine." It's not pointless angst for the sake of drama, really, it's his reality. He's a widow with two children, and his relationship with his child is on the rocks because of Lori... Family drama :)
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Date: 2024-11-29 09:17 am (UTC)Now to think of it, it's Lori who's the ultimate cockblocker! Even in death she won't let Rick have a peaceful day 😆😆😆
But yes, conflict is necessary for a good story. It's not pointless angst. This is very well-written and thank you so much for putting in the work. I was having such a hard time finding something good to read and you delivered. 👏 👏 👏
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Date: 2024-11-29 11:03 am (UTC)I really like conflict, because it makes stories good, without a well thought, realistic conflict you can't have a good story, but when it becomes pointless, the story really flops. So, no pointless angst for me :)
and thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it :))
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Date: 2024-11-29 11:55 am (UTC)I think this was the most interesting dramatic plot of TWD because it involved real conflicting emotions. Lori's expectations were stupid but real and that's how humans are. We keep hoping that things will work out and like you wrote 'hope is a fickle thing'.
I kinda get the hate Lori gets from TWD viewers but they fail to understand that she was human afterall.
And yes, conflict is important. There has to be a reason for people to do what they do. Without a 'why' we can't really have a 'how'.
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Date: 2024-11-29 12:14 pm (UTC)People easily forget the characters we see in books and movies are all human. :))
Exactly, even for people like Negan there is always a 'why'. Though, it's not always *good*. That's the core of this very book, actually, too, I think, the people they will meet on the road, which will also affect Amanda to her core before they find Alexandria.
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Date: 2024-11-29 01:24 pm (UTC)Can't wait to read about the "talk" about the affair. There's so much discourse about it online. About how Michonne looked for Rick for 8 years but Lori jumped Shane's bones in a matter of weeks. People are too harsh, and might I add, too fast to judge women.
I'm very pleased by how your brain works. You really see things.
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Date: 2024-11-29 02:07 pm (UTC)Hopefully you will like their talk when you get to those parts. :)) It's still a long way to come, lol :) Many, many chapters.
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Date: 2024-11-29 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-29 05:49 pm (UTC)"Not everyone can be a katana-weilding warrior."
That's not even a fair comparison between Michonne and Lori, really. Michonne had her lover and their friend with her at the start, and those idiots made her lose her son, then she returned to the woman she was now, after wandering in the woods alone for months. She did not become like that in a snap of a finger, people often forgot her journey, and I'm sorry but Lori let herself be cut through willingly to save her child, I mean if that's not *strong* for anyone, I would invite anyone to have a C-section without any drugs or anesthesia. When they talked about Lori not being strong enough, I really got mad, lol. Lori was one of the bravest and strongest women in the show. Period. Lol.
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Date: 2024-11-29 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-29 06:14 pm (UTC)Aww, Lori's line 'do not let this world spoil you' is one of my best quotes of the show :(( It was so amazing and so tragic. I cannot literally wait you to the first part of the last book, because that line will also come up. Lori and her memory will be a strong subplot between Rick and their family :) Carl will tell Amanda about his mother, how she told him to stay good :((( I realy waited long to make those parts.
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Date: 2025-03-20 03:45 pm (UTC)As someone who used to do casual hook ups a lot (cough cough micheal) amanda sure got emotional after ONE or two hook ups with rick😭😭 she wanted that cookie so bad but she wanted the cookie officially not casually🙂↕️🙂↕️
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Date: 2025-03-20 04:25 pm (UTC)And, really, you see nothing yet. Rick's horniness level is RIDICULOUS!! Lol. Being a celibate did not work with him, lol, especially how stressful he was :)))
Haha, damn yes. She wanted it "officially" :))) Rick is different :))))
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Date: 2025-05-05 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-05 06:38 am (UTC)Their affinity to lose themselves into each other is going to create some many problems for them, poor babes :)) They just can't have it right now :)
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Date: 2025-08-26 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-26 08:44 am (UTC)Amanda is head over heels right now, like I mentioned before, but she will get worse later as well, as Rick turns more unhinged outside in the wild. Getting the cold feet, and poor girl has never had a stable relationship, and now, she's in love with an unstable train wreck, who soon will want a committed relationship, lol.